Introducing my Parents

08/23/2022

My parents were born and brought up in India. They were on opposite sides of the economic scale. My dad, who has 3 siblings and was not nearly as affluent as he is today and my mom, who has two siblings and was able to travel when she was young and be sent to a good college in South India.

Both my parents moved the United States where they met each other over online dating. My mom was then in college for dentistry while my dad was doing his MBA in Chicago. I'd say this was...sometime in the 1990's? They got married in India 3 months later (it was normal then to marry someone that fast) and came back to America shortly after. Fast forward to 2002, I was born. I was born in Lisle, Illinois and a few days after I was born my dad flew to India since his mother was sick (she had a kidney issue). When I was 4, my brother was born. I remember standing up during share-and-tell in Kindergarten and telling everyone I was going to have a younger sister (he was supposed to be a girl but then he came out...). He was indeed not a girl, and came out screaming.

So why am I telling you all this? I am giving you a background on my parent's history before I get into the iffy stuff.

Since I was young, independence has always been something that I've valued. I've always wanted to be independent and manage my life on my own terms. Now if you know anything about Asian parents, you'll know that family is valued over everything. It was hard for me to put myself above my family. I matter to me more than anyone in this world and I didn't reach that conclusion up until January of 2022. I always thought I should sacrifice myself and my health to make my family happy, which is the stem of some of my mental health issues. It's funny, I was talking to my therapist about this and he was telling me that every Asian person he meets has the same issues. The same upbringing. It makes me feel connected somehow.

When 10th grade started I realized that I started to feel pressured to become one of those Indian kids that knows many instruments, always gets good grades, is in academic extracurriculars, and is good at math. I used to know how to play lots of instruments, I didn't get good grades until covid hit, I was in academic extracurriculars (speech and debate) and I am NOT good at math. I remember sitting at the kitchen table late at night with my dad, doing my IXL and I would be so scared of getting an answer wrong. Of course, that's not how it is now or how it was after I reached 11th grade, but the fear still lingers.

There's also the comment on success. You know the saying "You should be a doctor, or a lawyer, or in IT"? Yeah, my parents never said that. Not once. They have said, "Choose a field where you can be succesful" Which honestly makes sense. See, my mom is a dentist. She had her own practice which she sold to someone else a few years ago. My dad owns a SaaS company and runs an agency. The bottom line is, I have a lot to live up to. I sometimes feel that my expectations of myself are so high because of how successful they are. I've always felt like I have to be more successful than them to make them proud, that's just the way I was brought up. There's also that fear of disappointment that every child has...hearing the words, "I'm disappointed in you." I truthfully can't remember if my parents ever said that to me (I hope they haven't).

Anyways, I realized around February 2022 that...there's nothing to be afraid of. In February, I had an anxiety attack in front of my parents for the first time, and they showed me affection instead of yelling at me (I thought they would). They got me with a therapist, I got put on prescription medication, and I went back to college. I realized then, my parents love me more than anyone ever has. Yes, I was yelled at a lot when I was younger. The topic of this would be spending too much time on my phone, or getting a bad grade, or talking to a boy (maybe that's why I get sad whenever I get anything less than an A?). But that's not the case anymore.

I thank my parents honestly. They brought me up in a safe environment, they channeled my fear into productivity, they love me more than anyone...they taught me what I know. And honestly, I'm glad they set boundaries. If I didn't have any lines to cross, I would be off the rails (semester 1 of college was not it). I know now why they did what they did and I thank them for it. My relationship with my parents has always been rocky but in the past two years, they have become my best friends. I couldn't ask for any better people to raise me.

This blog was a roller coaster but thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed and if you relate to this, or have any questions, feel free to comment. Thanks for reading and I'll see you next time :] Ciao!